Drifting

This morning when I woke up, the only thing I knew was that it wasn't Saturday. And yet, all my mind would say is, 'Saturday.' It had the feeling of being Saturday even though I knew it wasn't.

I guess my main problem is that this is kind of, but not exactly, how I live anyway. I do a lot of my work from home, and even when I'm working as part of a team, my part of a project is usually discrete and I just chip away independently of anyone else.

So this lifestyle is familiar enough that I don't feel like I need to find a routine, but it's sufficiently different that I've lost many of the little anchors in my life that helped to give me structure and to understand the passage of time. Plus, with most of my work on hold I've got not real deadlines and I'm useless without deadlines. Completely useless. For example, it's taken me about twenty minutes to write these two paragraphs.

I've been writing a bit about grief and funerals on my funeral celebrancy website, but even that has been slow and doesn't feel especially meaningful.

I've been cooking proper meals, extending beyond my usual recipes. This is partly out of the necessity of cooking without a real kitchen, but also to give the day some focus. We do mostly eat dinner together, but as the boys have grown older and our routines have all changed, the number of times we are all there has grown smaller and smaller. It's nice to be back in the groove of everyone sitting down together. Though the conversations are sometimes rather robust. But I like having a nice meal at the centre of it, acting kind of like the rug in a loungeroom that pulls all of the different elements together. Terrible metaphor.

The jigsaws I ordered arrived, but we don't have anywhere to do them. On account of the whole kitchen in the living room scenario. But I did manage to clear the dining table long enough that I was able to cut out the fabric for a jacket. I'm going to sew the jacket today. Finishing a piece of sewing always helps a person feel like their day was put to good use.

The End. Or is it?